If you see this ad out there....don't believe it -- it is all lies. LIES!
Yea.......more trickery if I do say so myself. Pretty, glowing, sparkling blue eyes.....MY ASS!!!!!!!!!! 
The minute the Doctor handed me that script for ativan, I knew that this experience was not going to be some picnic in the park. I mean, well....sure on any other given day taking a dose of happy would have been; after a bad day at work, helping to deal with close heal walkers, magazine and pool Nazis...you know......that kind of stuff.
I arrived at the hospital in good spirits. I get to the 5th floor, where they send me off to admitting.....get to admitting and then send me over to outpatient.....outpatient looks for my file and can't find it. Given any other day I would have been sayin.... "Now...listen up peeps....I don't know if you know this, but I just popped a happy white pill, and I need a place to cop a squat soon!" Lucky for me, it had already absorbed into my system and instead I smiled, with my head cradled in my hand, and said....no problem (giggle) ...I've got allllllll day lady" That shit is amazing -- I honestly had no care in the world.
Anyhoo, I was given my blue tie-up surgical mini skirt -- even though the procedure wasn't scheduled until noon, I was still required to change into the garment. I suppose that it's a mandatory procedure to humiliate and degrade potential troublemakers to bond with other blue mini-skirt-wearing-troublemakers. I don't know. Maybe word had gotten out that I had been asking questions about the procedure. But really, all I really asked about the usual stuff ... you know -- pain, etc.
If I knew what was about to happen, I never would have laid down on that table, but alas, there I was, and the the surgeon then cleans my eyes and rubs iodine all over my face ....meanwhile the other nurse is slapping my hand looking for a juicy popping vein to stick a needle into. Having low body fat % does have it's perks...this I know.
Anyhow.....the drugs kick in rapidly....all I can see is bright lights....out of the corner of my eye no less.
I hear word being spoken......but they are muffled.....
The doctor uses this clamp to keep my eye open while verbally taking me through the horrific experience. I mush prefer the element of surprise, but it didn't appear to me that this was up for negotiation. Half an hour later, I had a most unusual experience. There was a warmth in my head and face, which at first I attributed to the drugs, until it became an intense burning, like the top of my head was on fire. As the warmth spread through my eyes I realized that they were cutting into my eye. OH JEEEESUS, HELP!!!!!
I could feel the pressure and although I could not feel it, it felt like some sort of scratching sensation. OMG....it was nasty. Then they went to the top of my eyelid where they needed to gather some stem cells.....I could hear and feel some kind of snipping...this is where I asked her if she was trimming my eyelashes???? People say the stupidest shit when they are high -- I swear.
The entire time she would say...."look up....look down...to the left"....any minute I was ready to say look lady I will lefty ya up side the chin in a minute if you don't hurry this up......but thank God for Yoga which helps me deal with this sort of aggression.
Time was tickin away, but when I finally heard the words "Okay -- done!", small smile crossed my lips. The doctor and nurse pretended as though nothing had happened -- I didn't care.
But then she just HAD to add lip service........
"Now was that as bad as you thought it was gonna be?"
"Why no", I thought. -- I always think happy thoughts when someone is ripping your eyeball to smithereens.....
Needless to say, a good time was had by all.
Maybe if I didn't catch myself going east instead of west for 2 kilometers than it could have been different. How do you even do that? I don
’t know…but it can be done when your disoriented enough. Guess my mind was somewhere else.
Plus, I saw this life-sized nativity set outside a church I walked by, and I thought one of them was a bodybuilder guy with his shirt off…you know, showing off his guns and all......
Must have been the drugs!
Yea.......more trickery if I do say so myself. Pretty, glowing, sparkling blue eyes.....MY ASS!!!!!!!!!!
The minute the Doctor handed me that script for ativan, I knew that this experience was not going to be some picnic in the park. I mean, well....sure on any other given day taking a dose of happy would have been; after a bad day at work, helping to deal with close heal walkers, magazine and pool Nazis...you know......that kind of stuff.Oh no! This was MY reality and trust me, I am not making this shit up!
I arrived at the hospital in good spirits. I get to the 5th floor, where they send me off to admitting.....get to admitting and then send me over to outpatient.....outpatient looks for my file and can't find it. Given any other day I would have been sayin.... "Now...listen up peeps....I don't know if you know this, but I just popped a happy white pill, and I need a place to cop a squat soon!" Lucky for me, it had already absorbed into my system and instead I smiled, with my head cradled in my hand, and said....no problem (giggle) ...I've got allllllll day lady" That shit is amazing -- I honestly had no care in the world.Anyhoo, I was given my blue tie-up surgical mini skirt -- even though the procedure wasn't scheduled until noon, I was still required to change into the garment. I suppose that it's a mandatory procedure to humiliate and degrade potential troublemakers to bond with other blue mini-skirt-wearing-troublemakers. I don't know. Maybe word had gotten out that I had been asking questions about the procedure. But really, all I really asked about the usual stuff ... you know -- pain, etc.
They finally get me into the the stainless steel room. I laid down on the bed, and the doctor violently straps my legs, arms and forehead down to the table.......okay that didn't happen but that is what I was totally prepared for. -- you know always be prepared for the worst case senerio is what I say.
Sound like fun so far? Well, for a while it was. Then things that started out as a good time was rapidly turning into a nightmare...read on....
Sound like fun so far? Well, for a while it was. Then things that started out as a good time was rapidly turning into a nightmare...read on....
If I knew what was about to happen, I never would have laid down on that table, but alas, there I was, and the the surgeon then cleans my eyes and rubs iodine all over my face ....meanwhile the other nurse is slapping my hand looking for a juicy popping vein to stick a needle into. Having low body fat % does have it's perks...this I know.
Anyhow.....the drugs kick in rapidly....all I can see is bright lights....out of the corner of my eye no less.
I hear word being spoken......but they are muffled.....
The doctor uses this clamp to keep my eye open while verbally taking me through the horrific experience. I mush prefer the element of surprise, but it didn't appear to me that this was up for negotiation. Half an hour later, I had a most unusual experience. There was a warmth in my head and face, which at first I attributed to the drugs, until it became an intense burning, like the top of my head was on fire. As the warmth spread through my eyes I realized that they were cutting into my eye. OH JEEEESUS, HELP!!!!!
I could feel the pressure and although I could not feel it, it felt like some sort of scratching sensation. OMG....it was nasty. Then they went to the top of my eyelid where they needed to gather some stem cells.....I could hear and feel some kind of snipping...this is where I asked her if she was trimming my eyelashes???? People say the stupidest shit when they are high -- I swear.
The entire time she would say...."look up....look down...to the left"....any minute I was ready to say look lady I will lefty ya up side the chin in a minute if you don't hurry this up......but thank God for Yoga which helps me deal with this sort of aggression.
Time was tickin away, but when I finally heard the words "Okay -- done!", small smile crossed my lips. The doctor and nurse pretended as though nothing had happened -- I didn't care.
But then she just HAD to add lip service........
"Now was that as bad as you thought it was gonna be?"
"Why no", I thought. -- I always think happy thoughts when someone is ripping your eyeball to smithereens.....
Needless to say, a good time was had by all.
So obviously no training for me......well who would be that stupid? Well me, but with all things considered, I took it as a sign that I should take some time off......besides I was so exhausted after walking home from the hospital anyhow.
Maybe if I didn't catch myself going east instead of west for 2 kilometers than it could have been different. How do you even do that? I don
’t know…but it can be done when your disoriented enough. Guess my mind was somewhere else.Plus, I saw this life-sized nativity set outside a church I walked by, and I thought one of them was a bodybuilder guy with his shirt off…you know, showing off his guns and all......
Must have been the drugs!
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