Empower with STRENGTH!
Women have been
taught or have been exposed to experiencing a lack of power, control, and
purpose and let’s admit it – burning the candle and both ends.
Yet, these women
thrive. Why do they do it? They do it because they have moved beyond the stage of
survival.
How is this
accomplished?
It is moving them past
not being perfect in everything, but magnifying what they are truly are talented in,
skilled at, and where they find true value and purpose in their lives.
Women work best
through emotion and communication. I let them self-talk their way into
believing in their true worth from a strength based, solution based emphasis!
I’ve
met some women who have had every reason to “give up” on their lives, but
surprisingly enough, those woman, even the ones that cannot even identify one
solitary skill or quality about themselves, can at LEAST identify with one source of strength they have.
I
teach them how to use that same quality of strength and perseverance of
survival to redirect their energy into strength to thrive.
Is
this easy? Nope. Speaking from someone who is perceived to be in a leadership
role, it is hard but crucial to develop trust to lead them. Even harder, is
understanding as a coach that you must also allow yourself to be led? Everyone needs a mentor. I
always help women to try to find one. Help them to identify parallel supporters; Those that feed them rather than sabotage them.
Skills
need development and from there, she is able to identify more positives and
have faith in her own abilities. With each challenging situation once conquers,
the more confident she becomes
I tell women to drop
the “to do”list. Make an action list and set a schedule. Woman are
multitaskers, they tend to take on way to many things at once and get lost.
They overwhelm themselves and are tired the second they wake up in the morning
till the time they go to bed.
Change is a
process, not an event. It happens in stages
1) The
"Pre-thinking" stage about getting ready for change.
Remaining in the
pre-thinking stage will keep you on the hamster’s wheel. Women, like
consistency over chaos, so change is very difficult, understandably so. This is
a human condition, and we are ultimately creatures of habit. It is easy as a
coach to sometimes get impatient about how long a person decides to make a
change. If I am not careful, and in spite of my best intentions, I am often left
scratching my head wondering, “why not now?” However, this is not helpful!
This can happen
when coaches get frustrated and believe that if the person we are trying to
help would do what we know is best and then everything will be alright.
The idea is
to Engage! Engage! Engage!Help them reclaim their own personal power. I never encourage “fake it” or “just go through the motions” This is not a true change/empowering process.
2) The true
"thinking stage" is the point at which I find individuals begin to
become more aware of their barriers and are able to define them. This level of
awareness also invites more ideas on how one might be able to change their
lives. I always try to move slowly and help them to explore their ambivalence
(because there will be ambivalence). This is where a lot of
minimization/rationalization aka “excuses” happen, and they are very real to
women.
3) "Preparation", involves planning to make a change. This is the
time to capitalize on the decision to make change a priority and begins to help
the individual make realistic plans for that change. It might be necessary to
“slow down” the “flight into health” that is common for people at this stage.
This does not mean not supporting the plan and movement into action, but
recognizing that this stage can be one of unrealistic expectations of self and
others, which leaves the individual vulnerable to disappointment and a possible
return to denial (out of a sense of hopelessness). This is where women need the
schedule that makes sense to them. When I have women break down their day and
check off what is stressful to them throughout their day, they pretty much
check off everything on their list. I no kid. I look for the things where they
find solitude, or happiness and get them to a place so that they are able to
organize their time to have an increased ratio of “happy” time vs. stressful
time. It’s easy to manage a day that makes you feel good….yes?
I help women to change their mindset – positive attitude, affirmations,
gratitude, self-care, and personal development. Note them, list them, and honor
them.
Women are natural care-takers (amazing quality) However, it is like the
old saying goes: You can’t take care of others until you can take care of
yourself” Learn to be your own care-giver.
4) The next stage, is "Action" , This is where I as a coach need to
put forth an action plan for change that has been developed. The coach’s role
at this stage is to support and monitor the change, helping the individual to
identify challenges to the new behavior, and always, reinforcing the need for
what they need, not what I as a coach needs.
5) Next comes, "Maintenance" It is an extended stage. In this
stage, new behaviors and coping skills will develop, and the coach’s role is to
support, monitor, and applaud the changes made. It is important for coaches to
educate individuals about this stage, because it actually requires much more
work to maintain a change than most people anticipate. In order to help those
they assist to “stay on course,” individuals need to stay attuned to their emotions
and their interpersonal and social environment and make adjustments as needed.
Influences, environment, history, and even family will need to be acknowledged
and play huge roles in the maintenance stage.
I aim to coach others to be aware of sobotagers, In order to feel more
empowered, it is crucial to surround yourself with empowering people and people
journeying down the same path.
It is also important to address the likelihood of "Relapse". The
truth is that, with any change, “relapse” is more the rule than the exception,
and yet, people often have unrealistic expectations and harsh judgments towards
themselves and others when one who has begun to make changes reverts to old
behavior.
“Relapse” could mean, taking long extended breaks. Not taking
responsibility, blaming others for their grooves in life and giving up the
power of themselves. Helping them to re-group, finding the spark again, tapping
into how they “felt” when they were happy, helps rejuvenate themselves and
bounce back.
When one is aware of these steps, they can help facilitate growth in
others. More importantly,
Make sure that leading to empowerment; you are not forgetting to set the
stage! You will always be a leader to
someone!
Foot prints always leave a trail!
